My Brother

My brother's name is Steven. He will be turning 17 in 2007. And he is, in my opinion, the only guy that can hurt me as badly as he has.

I don't know what people do when they have a teenager at home, especially one that is selfish, stupid, refuses to listen to anything you say, and talks back whenever he gets the chance to. It is so hard, struggling everyday to get him to be a remotely good son. By that I mean, write his Chinese homework, not be on the computer playing Warcraft and MSN (which is pretty much all he does), and at least treat us with basic decency. But no.

I have never been spoken to like he has spoken to me. It just enrages and saddens me all at the same time. I would point out, no, you are not supposed to be on the computer cuz Mom said so, he'd be like, it's just one night, why are you making such a big deal out of one night. I would tell him, you should concentrate on schoolwork, cuz it's your penultimate year in high school, and you gotta get ready for post-secondary. He'd say, who says I'm not doing schoolwork, I just finish them at school. I absolutely, gut-wrenchingly hate it when he says, "You are entitled to your opinion," which basically means he chooses to disregard everything I ever say to him. I just wanted to understand what he is thinking, and he told me it's too late.

He is a bad kid, I admit. I see no hope in him. He has stolen, cheated, and lied all these years, and he shows no conscience for it. He says we don't trust him, but of course we don't when there are money disappearing from my mom's purse every time. He has skipped school so many times that the counselor called, two different teachers sent notes saying how Steven's marks are suffering because he was not in class and did not hand in homework, and the vice-principal called for a meeting, otherwise she'd kick Steven out of school. For the first semester of his grade 11 year, he failed 3 course and got an Incomplete in one. HOW do you fail courses in high school?!

What's worse, is my Dad absolutely dotes on him. Being the youngest AND the only son, my Dad does everything he says. After my Dad had his surgery, my brother happened to mention that he'd like some undershirts. My Dad heard that, hopped on the motorcycle, and drove for half an hour in windy weather just to get what Steven wanted. My brother mentioned he wanted shoes, my Dad, despite being in poor health, went out and bought them for him. Sunday night, the second night that he stayed out without permission, my Dad called, and asked about Steven (as usual) and how he liked his shoes. My sister outright lied to him. My sister said he loved it. Lying to my sick father. That's what it has come down to. The only time my brother has EVER called my Dad in Taiwan, was for him to get this $300CAD cellphone for him in Taiwan. The only time, ever. That tells you what kind of a son he is.

My parents really don't ask for much. They ask for good schoolwork, that's all. Personally that wasn't so hard for me. I don't understand why is it so hard for him. I don't appreciate his way of getting around rules and punishments. We'd ask him to come home immediately after school. "Oh, I had to pick stuff up at Daiso," "Oh, I have to get the computer back from my friend's place," "Oh, it's Friday." Fuck that I say. Fuck all that. My Mom asked me to put a password on the computer so he couldn't use. You know what he did? You KNOW what he did? He went and got it reformatted, citing virus attack, and created his own user account which is password-protected, and set up an Admin account, with limited access. Basically meaning, he can still use the computer, and we can't stop him.

It's hopeless. Just ten minutes before I found this out, and he shutted off the computer so fast so I couldn't go in and change his password (the computer was still on his user account). He accused me of snooping around. Right, and a thief is accusing me of that. No basic decency, no nothing. What do you do with a kid like that? Personally, I'd kick him out. I hope he rots in hell for everything he has done to everyone in this family (I just know I'll regret for sounding over-dramatic later). But that's seriously the way I feel right now. I didn't know I could ever have the urge of gouging someone's eyes out because they wouldn't look at me when I talk, but I did. Hate and hurt all at the same time (hey they start with the same letter!).

Onto a brighter note, I thank thee (the two of you) for reading my blog. I can't believe anyone would be interested in mindless drones of rants, but you guys did it. And I went to a poetry slam last night with Trish, Ruby, and Yuko. It was awesome fun. Will talk about it another time. "Applaud the poet, not the scores!"

No

I have no more intelligence, writing blogs have become painful. There is something fatalistic about it, that every time I start a post, it gets to the point that, everything I wrote was so meaningless and crappy that I must delete everything at once.

Belated teenage angst, I believe. Or early alzheimer's. Or pure mental retardation. You take your pick.

No hope, no goals, thus marks the upcoming 2007. Announcement: I will go back to Taiwan to live, coming September or October. Reason: family financial and personal well-being issues. I must return. To the land I have not seen since 1998/9. Mental images of extreme temperatures, thinnification, and ultimately conformity. I hate it. I like my t-shirts and sneakers and rock'n'roll. I do not like stupidity, bigotry, and social image of a 20+ female.

On another note, my dear friend KaKa came back around Christmas. She had been in Japan in the last year teaching English. Quite an adventure, I loved hearing her stories. She is a great gal, and I love her dearly. KaKa made the comment that she dresses differently in Japan and HK, more feminine. I took that as bad omen. Those who know me in real life, I am not in the least feminine. The only thing feminine about me is PMS.

Very depressed lately. No break in sight. I will continue to rant with a down-trodden soul, and seeking salvation in mind-numbing TV marathons.