Fart

I just want to mark down this occasion. That I'm just in my room, on my laptop. And this stink comes floating into my room, into my nose. 

It's disgusting. 

My mom, ladies and gentleman. I feel bad for saying this. But it's really stinky and it makes my life sad. Because this is what I live with. Everyday. 

Vapidness of the mall

Sitting here in the mall, the most recent pop hits playing in the background. Your Taylor Swifts, your Justin Biebers. Nothing you haven't heard before. But set against the mass consumerism of the mall, their intrinsic vapidness really set the tone of the place. 

Everything I have on me, I bought at a mall. A very small percentage of what I own is locally made, or pre-owned. I do indeed worship consumerism, and I bow at its feet with my money. 

It's just that they make it so easy! More or less universal sizes, non-offensive styles, and the pure availability of it. It's so easy and it takes the thinking out of it. We are all slowly being assimilated into one person, wearing one set of clothes. 

We are the all-singing all-dancing crap of the world. George Orwell was right. You don't even need a Big Brother. We can just merge into one giant non-thinking body of mass on our own. 

Post Title

Oh hey, here I am again.  Hiatus after hiatus.  I don't know why I neglect this blog so much either, but I can offer some theories.

Theories, in the end, is all I have.

My first theory is that I spend all day on the computer, at work.  So it would make sense that I would subconsciously avoid more computer usage when I am home.  That seems unlikely though, seeing how much time I spend on my phone, which is basically a tiny computer.

My second theory is that I am a lame and lazy ass, that's it.  I am so lame and lazy that I would not spend the time to really sit down, let loose, and really cultivate my writing, work on my craft.

Isn't that right, I am trying to "work on my craft", like as if I am going to become a writer.

The thing is, I don't know what I want to become.  But I am not proactive enough to find out.  Therein lies my pathetic predicament.

What is living like?  What is living life like?

I change things about myself.  Exterior things like hair.  But I don't go and change what's inside.

Zero.  Motivation.

I spent a little time reading my previous blog entries.  I used to be so much more poetic.  That has all been lost.

I always thought that when I grow older, I will become a better person.  Better how, you ask?  I am not sure either.  But just better.  If my 20-year-old self saw me as I am today, I don't think she'd be too impressed.

Sobering thought, isn't it?

Working out

Lately it's become quite clear that I am devoting much of my free time into self improvement. Particularly in my fitness. I think ever since I stopped going to Rachel's bootcamp, I always feel like I am not doing enough to maintain my fitness. 

Fitness, because it's not really something you can fake, that means I actually have to buckle down and put in the time and effort to change things about myself. Something I haven't done in a really long time. 

Gym time, water time. Maybe it's just an urge to not be left behind. Humans are, in the end, living in societies and cannot get away from trying to fit in with a group. I want to fit in, so that means I want to join people for gym and OC practices. 

But physical exercises help me to clear my head. And lately the stupid way that I am completely obsessed with my phone, I think it's a good thing. 

I am going to stop now. Because my brain is mushy and useless. And lately I just feel like I am a total failure. 

Grateful

Today is Thanksgiving. I know what it stands for, but I have never celebrated it, probably because my family never did. It's funny how your family and upbringing influence you as much as it does sometimes. 

All over my Facebook feed I see people putting on their status update how grateful they are for things in their lives: family, friends, democracy. I suspect it might be PMS but I just can't think of anything to be thankful for. So I am going to try harder. I am going to try to be more thankful. 

I am thankful for my boyfriend. He keeps me sane and he makes me happy everyday.  We have things to talk about. And we can go out and do things together. I really appreciate it when I see him in the gym, I get inspired and try to do more reps or heavier weights. 

I am thankful for my health. I can still run and go out and do different activities. I hope this goes on for a while longer because I feel like health allows me to be my own person, if that makes any sense. 

I now the usual essay format is that you have 3 examples of something. But right now all I can hunk of are these two. Because first I am distracted, and second of all I am disappointed in myself lately for all the procrastination I have been doing. No more. I am so tired of this. No more. 

That's my Thanksgiving.