My love and hate relationship with JP

This got nothing to do with Justin Timberlake's song, I swear.

中毒したというものだと思う、その理由しかない。 That's what I think. I've been obsessively poisoned with this love for everything Japan. This comes as a realization after 3-hours of half-hearted cramming for the level 1 Japanese Language Proficiency Test. The pop cultures, the fashion, the literature, all of it. Love, love, love. If I can only explain why, but I can't.

Have you had so much emotion swell up in you upon hearing a song that you could almost cry? Put on a Kuraki Mai cd when tried to study this morning. It's a Best-of cd, but they are all songs I've been listening to when I was in high school. Just, the memories, the nostalgia, everything came up. Rose-coloured spectacles, perhaps, but I just can' t help it. Wait till I put on some Glay cds (they are only, like, my favorite band in the world), sigh.

I've been pretty much drifting around during the year after I graduated, doing nothing, pursuing nothing. Because my sole purpose, upon graduation, was to go to Japan. Looking back on those blogs I wrote during those years, it's all things like, I'm going to Japan, I'm going to Japan to see Glay before Teru's voice finally gives out to chain-smoking, etc, etc. But now... the harsh reality. Crashing down. It's like I was killed but lived, only barely.

Of course I know the solution. Find a better-paying job, and make so much money that I can pay off ALL of our debts, and then some to settle my parents in for retirement, and then leave it all behind to go to Japan to pursue... whatever it is that I want. How is that for likelihood? Ha.

Gotta go. Must return to half-hearted studying. I don't think I can pass this thing... oh well, there is always next year.